Ching24's Blog

Confession of a Two Timer

ching23 — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 05:55:03 +0000

There are things about yourself that you sometimes hate. In fact, you wished well enough that you have the guts and the ability to change it right away in a glimpse of an eye. However, the thing I hate about me- my selfishness is that it’s so hard to change it for it’s driven by an emotion and i believe that its also something that most people would find hard to control. You just don’t know if your being selfish is brought about by your defense of not wanting to get hurt, avoiding rejection and simply being selfish at all. It’s so hard to explain where this selfishness comes from. But with this selfishness comes a desire to make things right- and that I think is the first step towards change. The next is action, and after which comes the effects. I am a two timer and I’ve been honest to the guys I date with that I am like that. It’s not because I want to brag and give them the idea that anytime they will leave me I can deal with it because i have extra reserves. That makes me hate myself, but the real reason is that what I feel at that moment is something that drives me to a conclusion that loving a person who is like that and you know is like that- cannot be an excuse for you to still love that person. I wanted time and though I have always made levels of emotions an excuse for my being like this, I don’t really want to do that. I would hate the person who would do that to me but why can’t I get myself to clean up my act too? What is it that I’m waiting for? I know that what I am doing right now is something that I will surely regret in the end. But it’s too confusing.. maybe that’s the reason why we are only given with one heart to love one person. The heart is just capable of loving but the mind sets what and who the heart intends to love- and that is something I would constantly need to figure out until I learn what I should have learned from the start.
There are things about yourself that you sometimes hate. In fact, you wished well enough that you have the guts and the ability to change it right away in a glimpse of an eye. However, the thing I hate about me- my selfishness is that it’s so hard to change it for it’s driven by an emotion and i believe that its also something that most people would find hard to control. You just don’t know if your being selfish is brought about by your defense of not wanting to get hurt, avoiding rejection and simply being selfish at all. It’s so hard to explain where this selfishness comes from. But with this selfishness comes a desire to make things right- and that I think is the first step towards change. The next is action, and afterwhich comes the effects. I am a two timer and I’ve been honest to the guys I date with that I am like that. It’s not because I want to brag and give them the idea that anytime they will leave me I can deal with it because i have extra reserves. That makes me hate myself, but the real reason is that what I feel at that moment is something that drives me to a conclusion that loving a person who is like that and you know is like that- cannot be an excuse for you to still love that person. I wanted time and though I have always made levels of emotions an excuse for my being like this, I don’t really want to do that. I would hate the person who would do that to me but why can’t I get myself to clean up my act too? What is it that I’m waiting for? I know that what I am doing right now is something that I will surely regret in the end. But it’s too confusing.. maybe that’s the reason why we are only given with one heart to love one person. The heart is just capable of loving but the mind sets what and who the heart intends to love- and that is something I would constantly need to figure out until I learn what I should have learned from the start.

Filed under: Personal Thoughts

Giggles and Laughter

ching23 — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 05:06:19 +0000

Our home used to be such a quiet and almost haunting place. I realized so many things have changed when I woke up from the voices of little children giggling and laughing out. Their laughter and noises light up our whole place and eases out any tension that used to be just waiting to erupt. Not that we are a family of chaotic and disgruntled members, it’s just that we don’t usually dwell on our differences anymore back to the way we used to be because just seeing the faces of these two will immediately set aside what’s supposedly a war for a peaceful and relaxing place with my nephews around.

Filed under: Love and Life

High School Reunion

ching23 — Mon, 10 May 2010 20:51:29 +0000

I never expected for many of my high school classmates to be there but they came! It felt so wonderful to be with the people whom you shared four years of your life with and amidst all the changes which happened over the past years, I’m still glad we still remained a strong batch as ever. So we kind of decided maybe it’s a good thing to do every year. For me why not? I would absolutely love it!

Filed under: Events

First Automated Experience

ching23 — Mon, 10 May 2010 07:32:06 +0000

I’ve never been more excited as choosing the next president than with experiencing the first automated polls that we will experience. It’s a big leap from behind considering that we should have long gone to adopting the new technology when it comes to making things faster and lighter. Yet when things would have been simplified because of the automated counting, I never thought either that it could pose such inconvenience to the voters. Ten people were only allowed to vote at a time in one precinct which would mean hundreds of others would be waiting their turn waiting for as long as 3 to5 hours just to vote in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes. But, we can always forgive this situation. It’s then the first time that we have adapted to this. If you’re someone who is patient enough to handle this, then I salute you. The important thing probably is, we have started this one and we will become aware then of the possible things that we will encounter in the future. Overall, liked the effort but there’s still a lot of improvement to make.

Filed under: Personal Thoughts

my fourth year

ching23 — Sat, 01 May 2010 07:28:48 +0000

It’s my fourth year

I still remembered the feeling when I walked inside a room full of hopefuls like me, dreaming of life’s content and a big shot at the corporate world. My first day in training is like a big step towards what I’ve been wanting for. A job, steady income and my own money at last! The job I have right now is my first job; I started to work at 21 since I know my mom would have a hard time financing my tuition fees and needs should I decide to finish another year of school. I totally understand why that’s the case and I swear that I’ve never felt relieved yet so excited in my life not because I’m done with school of course but the new chapter excites me so much to even bother that I will end up as an undergraduate. I’ve struggled to familiarize myself with directions in an unfamiliar city. I know I need to be confident enough If I want to be accepted in the company that I’m applying for and it just felt so great when I learned that I made it. I don’t know what I felt that time. I feel like crying and jumping at the same time. I made it.

Four years later, here I am, reminiscing that moment. Wondering where I would be if I’m not seated in a cubicle with my head set on. I’m wondering where my guts would have taken me have I failed my application. I can still see clearly myself that day, wearing a white polo, brown slacks, high heels and an air of confidence that was my sole weapon to be where I am right now.

Filed under: work

missing that feeling

ching23 — Sat, 01 May 2010 07:10:57 +0000

I’ve watched a movie and was so touched by its story. I’ve learned a lesson that will always make a big impact in my life. It says that when you love someone, fight for it… with all your strength accompanied by the greatest love in your heart, but you must see to it that that love is worth fighting for. I was caught off guard and realized that I’ve been into a lot of these situations. I’ve always yearned for somebody to love me, yet I can’t feel the same way towards them. Am I missing something? Have I been so selfish? Being in a relationship is somewhat a comforting situation for me. I can only count with my fingers the number of times that I’m unattached yet I begin to feel that I’m missing the whole point. I don’t know how it feels to be totally in love. Have I been wasting my time in spending years of relationship that I now that I’m still going to end?

I only remembered one time I was so into a guy. But he broke my heart and left me so shattered. From then I may have closed my door and I’m having a hard time opening up to someone and getting that satisfying feeling of being in love. I just can’t help it. I don’t know why I’m missing that feeling. I’m hoping to find some answers very soon.

Filed under: Love and Life

Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic

ching23 — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 13:53:47 +0000

Sometimes Love just ain’t enough. It takes a great deal of courage to fight for what you feel. You just don’t have to Love. You have to fight for it. When you don’t, it leaves a lot of pain in your heart, and you lose the one you love. You can’t hold back because that person thinks you left him out hanging. Which may be the case, which sometimes is not… You move on and you find somebody who has given you the world. You try so hard to make it work, it finally did, but something’s missing. Your Heart’s empty and you don’t know if you’re just being selfish enough to want the best of both worlds. You want to move on, yeah… always wanted to but why can’t this stupid feeling escape? Why does it have to linger for many years…. Why won’t it go away? You feel rebellion. Not to anybody else, but to yourself alone. Is this real hard? Please, I want to escape from the past. I’ve got a bright future ahead of me. I want to let go. I want to be EMOTIONALLY stable. Do you think it’s easy for me to feel this pain? Don’t you know the guilt is killing me? Do YOU know how sometimes it’s so hard to understand myself? Who can understand me? Who feels exactly the way I feel? Will he understand? Will he give in? Will I ever let go?

Posted in Love and Life

Sensitive Issues and my Sensitivity

ching23 — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 05:00:45 +0000

I know as a writer you should be well rounded enough to discuss all articles that are given to you by your client. Ika nga “its part of the job”and as the famous lines of Sharon Cuneta’s movie “I care about my job sir”… I told my client I can write anything as long as I know I can do it.So there I was excited for the project that he’s going to give me and when I opened my email and browse through all the things I will need to do nothing prepared me for the shock I instantly felt. with all the articles I need to work on I would need to write an article about finding a f*** buddy. My eyes rolled and boy oh boy was i really shock.. then the shock turned to laughter. Imagine me keeping my voice really down beause I worked on this article at 4am in the morning.Yes I know, we Filipinos are really discreet when it comes to sex topics. It is a taboo in the society somethin I’m wondering if its working or not considering the number of unwanted pregnancy that the country faces each year. But well, here I am still making every bit of effort to ask myself on how comfortable am I in dealing this.. =)

note: thanks memor! for restoring my laptop! althoug I lost all my files.. huhuhu… I’m glad it’s still working.. thanks techi guy! bow.. =)

Posted in Personal Thoughts

Work Mode

ching23 — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:38:39 +0000

I’m logged in this early to do some tasks that were assigned to me by my client. For a week now I have been switching from work mode number one to work mode number two. It feels great because I get the chance to be doing two things I love most. Sometimes I get to sleep only two hours a day because I have to follow up on a lot of things. It feels great though to be compensated for the work you have done. I felt my mind racing everytime because of the things I need to think and do at the same time. I’ve never been busier and I’ve never felt happier.

Posted in work Tagged: sleep, tasks, work

Been Busy..

ching23 — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:19:41 +0000

I have been verryyy…. busy! I am into a project right now. I hope I would have enough time to write here! huhuhu…..

Posted in Personal Thoughts Tagged: busy