Confession of a Two Timer

There are things about yourself that you sometimes hate. In fact, you wished well enough that you have the guts and the ability to change it right away in a glimpse of an eye. However, the thing I hate about me- my selfishness is that it’s so hard to change it for it’s driven by an emotion and i believe that its also something that most people would find hard to control. You just don’t know if your being selfish is brought about by your defense of not wanting to get hurt, avoiding rejection and simply being selfish at all. It’s so hard to explain where this selfishness comes from. But with this selfishness comes a desire to make things right- and that I think is the first step towards change. The next is action, and after which comes the effects. I am a two timer and I’ve been honest to the guys I date with that I am like that. It’s not because I want to brag and give them the idea that anytime they will leave me I can deal with it because i have extra reserves. That makes me hate myself, but the real reason is that what I feel at that moment is something that drives me to a conclusion that loving a person who is like that and you know is like that- cannot be an excuse for you to still love that person. I wanted time and though I have always made levels of emotions an excuse for my being like this, I don’t really want to do that. I would hate the person who would do that to me but why can’t I get myself to clean up my act too? What is it that I’m waiting for? I know that what I am doing right now is something that I will surely regret in the end. But it’s too confusing.. maybe that’s the reason why we are only given with one heart to love one person. The heart is just capable of loving but the mind sets what and who the heart intends to love- and that is something I would constantly need to figure out until I learn what I should have learned from the start.
There are things about yourself that you sometimes hate. In fact, you wished well enough that you have the guts and the ability to change it right away in a glimpse of an eye. However, the thing I hate about me- my selfishness is that it’s so hard to change it for it’s driven by an emotion and i believe that its also something that most people would find hard to control. You just don’t know if your being selfish is brought about by your defense of not wanting to get hurt, avoiding rejection and simply being selfish at all. It’s so hard to explain where this selfishness comes from. But with this selfishness comes a desire to make things right- and that I think is the first step towards change. The next is action, and afterwhich comes the effects. I am a two timer and I’ve been honest to the guys I date with that I am like that. It’s not because I want to brag and give them the idea that anytime they will leave me I can deal with it because i have extra reserves. That makes me hate myself, but the real reason is that what I feel at that moment is something that drives me to a conclusion that loving a person who is like that and you know is like that- cannot be an excuse for you to still love that person. I wanted time and though I have always made levels of emotions an excuse for my being like this, I don’t really want to do that. I would hate the person who would do that to me but why can’t I get myself to clean up my act too? What is it that I’m waiting for? I know that what I am doing right now is something that I will surely regret in the end. But it’s too confusing.. maybe that’s the reason why we are only given with one heart to love one person. The heart is just capable of loving but the mind sets what and who the heart intends to love- and that is something I would constantly need to figure out until I learn what I should have learned from the start.